Chatspeak, or, The Death of the English Language

[Crimson King]

Here's a Public Service Announcement from me. It's a decoding device for the stupid phrases of "chatspeak", the silent killer of English as we know it. Enjoy.

Omg/omfg: Oh, my God/Oh, my @#$*ing God. This is used overly much in the online world, considering that it signals any level of concern (omg, r u ok??), amazement (omg, that is soooooo kool), outrage (Lomg, that sux!!), excitement (omgomgomg I cant wate!!!), agreement (omg i no), surprise (omg!!1 whut hapind?/??) and other things. It is pretty much an unnecessary precursor to any type of emotion at all and SHOULD NOT BE USED. If you’re looking to save time, why tack on an extra three letters when you don’t need them?

Lol: Laugh out loud (what other kind of laughing is there?) Here’s a suggestion: instead of writing lol, why don’t you just laugh, you morons. The person you’re talking to knows that they have made a joke, and they probably assume that you’re laughing (unless he also uses “lol”, in which case there is no such thing as underestimating his intelligence). You don’t have to write down that you’re laughing. Duh. Maybe this would be more effective if people hadn’t beat it to death, but now it’s used for things that don’t require laughing. Exs: 1)I took mi dog 2 teh vet lst week and ti braked at the prson their (note that I’m using the wrong “there” on purpose because this is how these people type. Expect me to keep using the wrong homonyms on words like these.) Reply: LOL!! 2) omg, i just got shot! Reply: LOL ha, your ded. Especially in the last example, these responses are unnecessary, and, more importantly, ANNOYING.

Rotfl: Rolling on the floor, laughing. Even worse than lol, though less widely used. Rarely is the person who says this a) rolling, b)on the floor, or c)laughing. Plus it takes up almost twice the space as “lol”. Here’s a time saver, if you’re a die-hard who really wants to let people know how jolly you feel about their comment: write ‘ha’. 2 letters and it doesn’t raise my blood pressure nearly as much. Or, if you’re the adventurous type, “ha ha”. It even sounds like laughing, see? And that way you don’t sound like an illiterate eight year old just mashing the keyboard with your face.

Woot/w00t: “We own other team”, usually used in a first-person-shooter game. This is the only chatspeak word that I find acceptable, just because it sounds so funny and hardly anyone who uses it knows what it means. I didn’t for a long time. Also acceptable are: vvoot, w()()t, w00+, \/\/00t, \/\/()()-|- and other variations.

Owned/pwned: Owned means beaten badly, usually in a first-person-shooter video game, and pwned is a common typo that has somehow become popular. A typo becoming popular? That about sums up the attitude of the people who use this “language”.

U/y/o/oic/yru/etc…: Letters using their sounds not in word context to make it “easier” for people to type. Because it’s so hard to reach and get those other two letters in the word. Sure, you may be saving valuable milliseconds of your life (whether they are worth saving or not is up for debate), but at the cost of looking like you have a fork stuck in the English part of your brain.

Gtg/g2g: Got to go. This upsets me. And it’s not even the abbreviation this time. Why can’t you morons at least be correct in what it stands for? Oh, that’s right. You’re stupid. Silly me. Please, people. Got to go? How about “Have to go”? Come on, it’s not that hard, is it?

Cya: See ya (you). This statement is read: “I am a moron that doesn’t care enough for my firend that I can’t take the time to reach two other keys and the space bar (one of the keys you hit twice in a row, so it doesn’t really count) and avoid sounding developmentally disabled. You could also write “bye” (NOT ‘by’ or ‘bi’), the same number of letters and zero of the stupidity.

Emoticons: A hybrid of two words: Emotion and Icon. It’s primarily used for the people who can’t guess the tone or mood of your writing by its contents, so you have to spell it out for them with a frown-face or smiling-face (I will not degrade myself by saying “smiley-face”). Who would use this except for a preteen girl who wanted to express her emotions and opinions ineffectively with a simple happy- or sad-face? Oh wait, you are one. Never mind. Another thing about emoticons: why do they exist for things that aren’t emotions? “I’m feeling pretty ninja today. How about you?” I hate morons.

[Alicia]

You see, I am a preteen girl who wants to use little cute emotion thingies to express her feelings to other preteen girls. I don't really see why it bothers people so much that I rather type 'y' than 'why' once in a while. It's not like I do it when I'm discussing something important with someone or an essay. It's a thing between friends.

Plus, I'm feeling pretty goddamn ninja today myself.

[Wraith]

Omg, rotfl that pwned!!!!!11111one

I'm not the greatest fan of chatspeak myself. A few other's you could add in there are Soz (sorry) Sok (it's ok) (The random emoticon my friends seem to love sticking at the end of their senences) or add something in about using numbers as letters (just my pet hate) oh, and the tAlKiNg In CaPs AnD lOwErS for some reason beyond my intelligence.

It's about time one of these came up. There are a few (a lot) of people I need to show this to.