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 Everyone's a Critic, buh-duh, chh!
Theseus
Posted: Aug 29 2006, 11:36 PM


There are many sides to a story


Group: Moderators
Posts: 299
Member No.: 34
Joined: 29-July 05



Sorry it took so long to get these posted up many many apologies :(





Whitney Acosta- What can I say about Whitney other than wow. You definitely have a knack for making your characters seem realistic. I really like how you described in detail how she keeps up her amazing appearance and her shape. You also did a good job in describing how she looks. The whole situation with Ricky is pretty interesting, but now I am starting to wonder if something might spark up between Whitney and Matthias even though it seems like their relationship is purely platonic. You do a very good job of explaining her life and her profile is pretty much flawless. There really isnít much I can say that you need to improve on. If anything I hope we can see more of her home life. I know sheís already had to deal with her dad on her cell phone, and that was a nice touch. I hope to see more of her dad and learn more about his motives to his being over-protective. If there are any motives at all or if itís just pure normal fatherly instinct.

Ricky Callahan- Ricky, definitely an interesting character. His relationship with Whitney is very well written and it should be interesting to see how it all plays out in the end. I love how you have him as a benchwarmer and not some top athlete. Once again you do an amazing job in describing his appearance and his style. The situation at Bensonís was really a defining moment for him in my opinion, especially when he took the blame for Eric. It shows you that he really is a good kid. I guess I want to know why heís socially inept. Besides being smart and being picked on back in elementary school is there something more to it? He seems like a decent handsome guy so why does he have a hard time making friends?


Tanesha Lexx- Ha wow well she is definitely one of the most interesting characters. She is unique in every way. You did a wonderful job describing her appearance (no surprise) and her past. I love how she isnít some pretty model who has life made for her, sheís like a true high school American, if a little extreme in some aspects, but all within the realm of possibility. I want to know more about why sheís overweight though. Is it because she just likes food or because sheís lazy and doesnít exercise? A little of both? Also her boy obsession is definitely a nice finishing touch which I hope to see a lot of in the future.

Maggie Heartgreeder- I really like her back story. I thought it was pretty cool how her parents are protecting her from her past, but it leads me to wonder if somehow she is going to find out about her past. If she did find out about it, that would lead to some interesting scenes. She seems like a relatively normal high school girl minus her past though. I guess also I would like to know more about her timid ness and her shyness and what causes that.


Eric Silvstedt- Now wow talk about a kid who has troubles. I like how you gave him acne so heís not some perfect jock but his personality rocks. You wrote him amazingly talking about his past and how he raised himself. The situation at the bar was also a pretty good defining moment and his hatred towards Matthias is definitely something I enjoy reading about. I guess what I really want to read now is his relationship with his two sisters and his motherís new love. Seeing him interact with all of them would definitely be quite the spectacle to read, especially if he hates Wendell as much as is written. I also enjoy how he is such a sexist and womanizer, and overall it makes for a very good read.

Ali Grayston- Saving the best for last in my opinion. She is definitely one of my favorite characters in pre-game so far and my favorite character of yours. Reading the situations she gets in is awesome and you write her so realistically. First off you do an amazing job explaining what she looks like, which is something I love about your characters, even I am guilty of not going into much detail on appearance. Her relationship with her dad is nicely written, and she is definitely a daddyís girl. Now one of my favorite things so far about her is the whole Gregg situation. You see this side on Ali that you donít normally see and you almost feel sorry for her. She is this mean manipulating girl in every situation until she gets with Gregg and you realize she does have true feelings for this guy that she canít easily have. Then with the Colton thrown into the mix it makes for an interesting drama. I guess the Sisterhood is another part I really like about Ali. This will definitely be a group everyone will want to read about because of all the situationís they can get into. If the Sisterhood is even half as interesting as the Brat Pack from 72 hours then I think the fellow SOTF readers are in for a pleasant surprise once you get the group up and running. There really isnít much I can say to improve upon, except I really enjoy reading about her relationship with Gregg and I would like to know more about her dad. Maybe more information on her relationship with her mother and father, because it seems like they are gone all the time. Other than that it would be interesting to read about one of these wild parties she goes to.
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Queen Asshat
Posted: Aug 30 2006, 04:51 PM


THE ASSHAT QUEEN!


Group: Guide Moderator
Posts: 277
Member No.: 66
Joined: 5-October 05



VIVA LE JACK RUSSELL! Who still needs a critique.
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Megami
Posted: Aug 31 2006, 01:29 AM


Princess of Highland


Group: Admin
Posts: 647
Member No.: 71
Joined: 26-October 05



Jack Russell: Easily the worst character in Survival of the Fittest. He fails at life. You should just stop roleplaying altogether, because you're an insult to this website. Just kidding! :P I'll get around to posting a critique to Jack shortly... when the shiny things become less distracting. ;)
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Sephy
Posted: Sep 1 2006, 08:52 PM


The admin's favourite sextoy.


Group: Members
Posts: 694
Member No.: 18
Joined: 26-June 05



I used to have a teacher at school named Jack Russel...needless to say there were dog jokes aplently /random useless information :P

ETA: and a couple of people commented on my characters in the initial impressions thread, but if anyone *cough*Megumi or anyone else who uses prettiful colours*cough* wants to rip them to shreds..c'mon Sasoru's a borderline Sue and we all know it ;)
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Nealosi
Posted: Oct 4 2006, 07:18 PM


Playing


Group: Members
Posts: 14
Member No.: 170
Joined: 26-September 06



Could I get a critque on my two characters please? Be gentle with them, they're mere fledglings after all.

(More likely be gentle with me. I'm fragile :P)
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Endless_Helix
Posted: Oct 6 2006, 11:54 PM


The Beast of the Apocolypse


Group: Members
Posts: 9
Member No.: 172
Joined: 2-October 06



Nealosi, I read through your characters and Fraco Sebberts is the man. He's got immediate natural enemies and allies, plus he's got pots of money back home and nothing in the game... Everything to nothing in one fell swoop. However, he does fit one of the major archetypes on the boards right now, the pampered brat. This isn't a huge problem, just try to differentiate him a bit more. You've done a good job so far, but develop him more... You've got the weak heart thing going on but give him a bit more in the connections department... The who's who of the school per se... Plus the opening line is perfect. "A silver spoon clenched tightly in his teeth..."

Jackie Kovacs is kinda bland... While he's definately no where near unusable and has an immense ammount of potential, he just needs more relationships, like with his parents, old friends from Montreal, etc. etc. You've hinted at something with the dad, and I suspect that it will be a big plot revelation, but Mr Kovacs is just kind of nebulous right now... He needs some personality... Yeah, you've got the "girl-o-phobia" going on, but He feels kind of undeveloped. He's more of a wild card due to lack of information than lack of stability.


Oh yeah, if anyone has the time to look at my guy, he's right here. I'm not fragile, so feel free to use the sledge hammer! It's right here! *hefts sledge hammer*
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Slayer
Posted: Jul 16 2007, 02:53 AM


K08y0-67cv ;f09358234905h4et9069rghop3490t834000y954y-0hnrgu83ty


Group: Admin
Posts: 8,388,607
Member No.: 28
Joined: 1-July 05



You suck! Kidding.
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