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Title: The Kickin' Throats
Description: ...a biography

Cycokiller - July 27, 2006 09:42 AM (GMT)
As some of you may know, I am involved in a local band called The Kickin' Throats. I'm trying to be a little to people, considering I'm certainly NOT some kind of criminal or psychotic or something, despite what you may take from my super-excellent username. So here's a glimpse into The Kickin' Throats; who we are and what we do.

....we're...uh...we're musicians and we play music.

......uh...damn...this seemed like a good idea......well, we're a local band in the Windsor area. Windsor is on the end of Ontario's fist. You know, the one that's punching Michigan in the groin? That's the one. The one with the casino. The band consists of myself (guitar/vocals), Mich Perrin (guitar), Kirk Guthrie (bass/vocals) and James Brown (drums). Yeah, I know; his name is James Brown. That's pretty fucked up, eh? Our genre? Well, it's a mixture of ska, punk and metal. I call it 'skunk metal'. Nobody else likes this name but me.

The story of The Kickin' Throats begins...uh...some time around when our band was, or something. It was a shitty name, and we were a shitty band. At the time it was me, James, Kirk and one Jason Verspeelt, a shredder with an obsession for hair metal. Our first show was 100% covers; Aerosmith, Black Sabbath, System of a Down, The Ramones and...*sigh*...Blink 182. We butchered them all. On the other hand, Jason did eat a fishhead onstage; that was pretty righteous. We gave him the boot immediately after, but not before we laid the groundwork for our very first song: "Inbred". Then the name changed to "Tim Maddog" (goddammit backwards, get it?) and finally "Yes Man Junior". We have a tough time sticking with names. So Jason left and formed his own band, Prelude. We haven't heard from him since. We found another guitarist by the name of Alex somethingorother. He earned the nickname 'Spyder' because he really wanted a nickname. He was fairly good, but ended up leaving because I have no idea. We said the hell with it and I started playing guitar (which I had began learning a year ago). We were a trio and it was working well. We wrote a gag song that really caught on somehow called "Peace Like A Hippy". We played our first good show with a mixture of originals and covers at Vincent Massey Highschool. Kirk's brother Colin joined briefly on the trumpet; that kicked ass. We played "Hey Ska" by The Suicide Machines, "Drink & Fight" by Mudmen, "Santaria" by Sublime, and a bunch of originals including "Yes Man Junior", "Peace Like A Hippy", "Hammerhead", "Mr .45", "Turkey", and the ridiculously titled "I Shot Cap'n Crunch and I'd Do It Again." Long titles were fresh and original at the time, apparently. It was a small crowd and a short set, but we kicked ass. Also Mich was there, but only to set up. Little did we know that the young Frenchman would soon play a key role in our musical careers.

We played many-a-show, some good, some bad, some just plain god-awful shit. Occasionally we got screwed over for set time or sound setup. Sometimes the audience was a bunch of hipsters who didn't react at all when you were playing your guts out. Sometimes they were emo kids waiting for their favourite lousy shitfilled local hardcore band to play. We were nearly filtered out of the local scene trying to contend with the goddamn hardcore bands. Eventually we came up with the golden hit "The Hardcore Song, aka I Cut My Wrists and You Jerked Off With My Blood" on the spot at a show. We were out of songs and decided to just go with it to eat up 2 minutes. We dedicated it to the hardcore band that played before us, deeming it a cover. They were really pissed off at us, but what the fuck were they gonna do about it; we were bigger than them. Except James. But he' So...anyway, whenever we followed a hardcore band, we'd play said song and dedicate it to them. We went for a long just playing the same setlist over and over, occasionally adding a new song to it for good measure. Our fanbase consisted mostly of chicks swooning over Kirk. I was frustrated because we needed some actual fans, so I furiously went about writing many songs. James' brother Dave filled in for Kirk one time during a show with Kilbourne, and we were able to play "Too Many Puppies" by Primus thanks to him. We got a chance to record later that year in Mike Gelinas' basement. Mike was a veteran underground punk musician and his hobby was recording local bands. The whole thing ended up on the cutting-room floor; parts of the tracks were intact, but without proper mixing a lot of it was screwed. Also Kirk lost the finished product. Way to fuggin' go, Kirk. Mich joined the group last year after he started playing the guitar, which he had quite a knack for. The thing was, I couldn't get the hang of ska guitar, but he was able to nearly master it. He makes it look easy. "Cripple's Delight" and "Think Again" were added to the arsenal; likewise shittier songs like "Cap'n Crunch" were dropped. Kirk wrote "The Innumerable", which was kickass because it combined ska with thrash. I loved the idea and began trying to work it into the songs I'd already written. Somehow along the way we started playing shows wearing kilts. I have no idea. We got another chance to record at Belle River Highschool with a media student named Cory. The stuff sounded good. Real good. But once again we were foiled, as Kirk blew us off again and again for soccer. Summer came and we lost the use of the media room at Belle River. We have the tracks; "Mr .45", "Hammerhead", "Cripple's Delight" and "Think Again". But they are missing vocals and bass. James tried to finish the recording at his place with a mediocre setup, but unfortunately Kirk and Mich are both working out of town. James filled in the bass parts to some of the tracks, and I'd be recording the vocals soon, but our luck had been fucked.

Currently we're practising for a show opening for Social Code (which we all hate but hey, a show's a show) with Ryan from former brother-band Psycho Ceramics on guitar and Chris Windsor on bass. James is cautiously optimistic about the upcoming show; Chris is a talented bass player and we'll be able to cover some Primus again. I love it when Kirk goes away...Ryan's always been a loyal KT affilliate and has filled in for Mich before. Back when we had Yi Liu on violin. That was sweeeet. We got screwed over in a fresh new way this time; our set time depends on the number of tickets we sell. For example: 30 tickets = 30 minutes. Including setup time. Bunch of fuckers.

Well, that's our courageous and obscure story so far. If you took the time to read through the whole thing, thank you very much for taking an interest. I don't honestly know why I had the urge to relate this to you; maybe because it's 5:30 in the morning. That's probably it. Or maybe because I want to share a bit about myself and what I do. I really love music. Playing it, listening to it, and I know a lot of people here love music too. Also I really wanted to write something and none of the RP threads were active (because everyone's asleep maybe?). So, I'm kinda tired. I think I'll go to bed. If anyone is interested in hearing us, please say so and I'll provide you with some unreleased goodness ala file-sharing. It's all been copywrited (simply by sending a copy to ourselves in an envelope with the date on it and not opening it; works like a charm) so don't be a jackass and rip off our stuff. If that even applies to you. God, I'm tired. Goodnight, folks.

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