Bad Timing, Originally submitted to Zodiac Challenge

This is an older one that never got many reads or comments on EotW. It's a mixture of fact and fiction, so I wasn't sure where to put it.

Bad Timing

I'm a Libra and in many ways, the sign fits. Romantic, easygoing, sociable and peace loving, I'm all of that. But Libra has a dark side, indecisive, gullible, flirtatious, easily influenced and self-indulgent. It took me fifty-five years to realize that all of these traits have contributed to my biggest problem in life. I have bad timing.

I was gullible, but still, just about on track back then. Eleven seemed a normal enough age for such subjects to come up - young enough to be fascinated and old enough to be concerned. My best friend, Polly, a girl with too little supervision and wise beyond her years, had been educating me for months about S-E-X. "You're a liar!" was my usual response to her preposterous claims. Undeterred, she brought me the proof, a flipbook. My fingers trembled only slightly as they glided over the pages, bringing the provocative images to life.

It wasn't so much what the characters were doing that scared me; it was what was being used to do it. The male lead in my flipbook had a man-part that reached clear to the wall, standing six feet away. I knew then that sex was not for me. No sir. I most certainly would not be doing that!

A year later, I developed a schoolgirl crush on Polly's brother, Randy. Casting him shy glances, my yearning for him was immeasurable. He was older, fourteen, and couldn't be bothered with a child like me. I went to Polly's house one day, and no one was home but Randy. He was different. Friendly.

"You can wait if you like," he offered, running his hands through his greasy blonde hair, slicking it back even more than it already was.

Soon he said there was something important he wanted to show me. I knew it must be something extraordinary, because he locked his bedroom door behind us.

Sitting on the bed, he patted the mattress next to him. "C'mere," he said, smiling.

Barely able to contain my excitement, I pounced onto the bed next to him, bouncing up and down a few times.

"So, what did you want to show me, Randy?"

"Kiss me. On the lips," he demanded. "Then, you'll see."

"Are you crazy?"

In one swift lunge, he pinned me under him, puckering his lips. Twisting, clawing, shoving until we were both exhausted, I refused to do his bidding. I saw the flipbook he had given his sister. The timing was bad.

After Randy, I stopped thinking about boys until I turned thirteen. It was painfully obvious that they weren't thinking about me. Polly said I needed "sex appeal." It must have been true, because boys were absolutely noticing her.

I wasn't sure how one got sex appeal, but easily influenced, I was determined to find out. I discovered the secret while reading an article in Seventeen magazine, the leading authority on how to attract teenage boys. Arpege perfume. Boys would find me irresistible wearing this powerful potion. I prayed for Arpege. Christmas morning my prayers were answered. The boys in my class fanned their noses and asked, "Who smells?"

Eventually, a few blatantly honest lads saw fit to inform me of the true nature of my problem. I was too skinny. Marilyn Monroe set the trend. A young lady needed curves and lots of them. Once again, I turned to the teen magazines for advice. I found it in the ads on the back pages, Weight On, miracle tablets guaranteed to put meat on your bones. Women actually paid money to get fat? you ask. I told you, my timing was off.

Good things come to those who wait, though, and so it was for me. I was a late bloomer, almost sixteen before I developed the assets that would truly get me noticed. Flirtatious, I soon landed my first boyfriend. Marcus told me I had "the sweetest little behind in the city." "Sweet cheeks," he called me. Attracting boys was suddenly as easy as a smile. For a decade, I moved from one fine-looking hard-body to the next. What did I care? There was always another. They were pretty to look at, but I was clueless as to what to do with them. Sex? That was just something to keep a boy happy, metered out in teasing little forays, for exceptional young fellows, only when necessary.

After I had my first child, all of the Weight On I had taken in my youth finally kicked in. Three thousand calories per tablet, I had swallowed boxes of them. Again, I was behind the times. The high fashion model, Twiggy, had arrived on the scene; nothing would ever be the same. I was short with curves plus, when I should have been tall and thin. My life became one failed diet after the next.

Ever self-indulgent, I now do my flipping through the pages of the latest Victoria's Secret catalog, looking for dainty support bras and control-top panties. I ask myself: why is nature so cruel? Dear hubby's days of all-night lovemaking are behind him; and, my ability to attract the young men who would be my multi-orgasmic equals are long gone. Alas, I know what to do with those young hard-bodies, though. Oh, yes indeed, I do.

Indecisive, I'm the worst of the worst. I know it must be someone's fault that I'm always a day late, a dollar short, reedy when I should have been curvaceous, sexually inept when men thought I was hot. I'm sure this Libran will figure out who it is she should sue - just as soon as Congress passes tort reform.

Gayla,

Hey, I was one of the ones who did read it! Liked it then and like it now. :P

I read it alsol from the zodiac challenge. There were quite a few entries so I may not have commented. I was just trying to read them all.

Now I have more leisure to comment, I have to tell you that this really put a smile on my face. You brought the whole horoscope description together into your life story (well, the sex part anyway). Nicely done.

No nitpicks either!

Thanks for posting it again. I enjoyed it.

This must have won the Zodiac Challenge. I missed it there, sorry Gayla. I entered that challenge too.

Very good descprition of the angst of growing up.

tom

Opal and Marva: Thanks for wading through it again :D

Tom: Actually Low's very deserving piece Libran .... something (can't remember full title) won. Mine didn't seem to get many reads, but there were so many entries, one can never find the time to get to everything. Glad you like it, though.

Gayla

They say timing is everything, and I can identify with that - there are certain things with me that have been just way out of synch too... almost as if somebody somewhere is having a big joke... <_<

Still, I liked this and didn't notice any problems with it.

I don't think I read any of the Zodiac challenge on eotw.

Bren, since you missed the zodiac challenge, how about a little personal challenge to write about your "out of synch" timing. Just a flash if you like. :D Sounds interesting and I'd like to hear about it.

Gayla

Hmm, well I normally avoid personal stuff cos it's way too boring... but I'll try!

Bren. Personal stuff is only boring to you. That's because you know the material so well. The rest of us would love to hear about you. Personally I like to hear how people end up were they are today.

tom

Hi Gayla,
Good story, is it a true story? If it isn't, I think you just wrote the story of alot of teenage girls. They do have a tough time of it. Boys do too, but usually they are too busy showing off for other boys to notice their own failings. Maybe I was different, but I wasn't part of that group of boys, and couldn't figure out what the heck they were doing. Years later, in College, during one of my Psychology courses, I learned that teenage boys act that way to be accepted by their peers.

Maybe growing up on a big farm with little time to play stupid games caused me to become serious before my time. A young boy on a farm does the 4 AM in the morning to almost 10 PM at night work thing seven days a week, and does not have to ask anyone for approval, he knows who he is....or he better....as long as Dad is watching!

Okay, so I found another one of your stories...THAT'S TWO!!!! Still hunting them down Gayla.
Pat