Yes, its been a year and yes...probably nobody plays this game anymore but damn it...I'm bored and I don't want to do homework, so shut the fuck up and pay attention! Because its time for:

UNCLE DP'S CARD REVIEWS FOR MATURE AUDIENCES

If you are under the age of 18, or are just unwilling to lie about your age then turn back now because this review will melt the Loop of Henle of immature audiences.

Name: Comrade Swordsman of Landstar
Set: Crossroads of Chaos
Rarity: Common
Variations: none
Card Type: Monster
Attribute: Earth
Type: Warrior/Tuner
Level: 3
ATK: 500
DEF: 1200
Effect: All Warrior-Type monsters you control gain 400 ATK.



Okay according to An....I'm supposed to now, "offer a detailed explaination of the card, its effect and uses. Or simply post your thoughts and opinions of it."

But lets face it...I'm pretty much the only one on this site who still plays this game. So instead of telling you why this card should be played...I'm just going to ramble on for a few minutes about this card.


The first thing you may say about this card is..."Hey DP, this card looks a lot like Swordsman of Landstar." I say...Well duh! This is the "retrained" version of SoL. What does retrained mean? Well it means that the card makers are running out of original ideas for monsters so they go back, grab an old normal type monster, rename it and give it a random effect (See Enraged Battle Ox and Obnoxious Celtic Guardian).


The next thing you might say is..."Hey DP, isn't there a monster that already has this effect?" Yes, its called Command Knight plus she can't be targeted by attack as long as there's another monster on your field.


Now you might be asking..."DP what the hell is this Tuner monster thing?" I say...stop asking questions you dumb bastard! Tuner monsters are like Toon, Spirit and Union monsters...its a tacked on type that is required to Synchro Summon a Synchro monster a concept I don't want to talk about because I consider it really dumb. I admit I have 3...but honestly only one of them is useable.

And now children its time for Uncle DP to tell you a warm mythical bedtime story. Are you all tucked in nice and comfy? Good.


Our story begins with Command Knight, as you may have noticed that mon is a she as you can tell by the armored boobs. Now a well known fact is that she is a rampant nymphomaniac and would/has slept with just about every warrior type monster in the game...and if the rumors are true quite a few Beast, Beast-Warrior, and Fiend type monsters, but that's another story.

Many battles have been won by this female leader and her army due to the massive gang-bang/orgies she starts the night before battle. This night of sex causes hormones and the like to rush through the body boosting their attack. I believe this has been scientifically proven...I remember watching an experiment in this vein but I don't remember the results. As for her attack diverting power? Well let me ask you, if you had a hot chick offering you any and everything you wanted, wouldn't you protect her from those who would take her away?

Now the second character in our little story is the Swordsman of Landstar who I'm guessing may be a hermaphrodite...I don't know. Well anyway, one day Command Knight is preparing for battle and finds SoL training against Jutte Fighter. Well she goes walking up swinging her hips and comments on how large their weapons are...and their sword and jutte are large as well.

One thing leads to another and next thing you know all three are naked and CK is taking SoL's

THE REMAINDER OF THIS REVIEW HAS BEEN REMOVED BY AUTHORITY OF THE COMMISSION AGAINST PORNOGRAPHIC STORIES IN CARD REVIEWS.

This goes on for hours until all three have passed out in exhaustion soaking wet and 9 month later somehow SoL goes into labor and this tiny freak pops out, with his daddy/mommys looks, his mommy effect, and his other daddy's type added on.


In the game...well hey summon Maurading Captain then use its effect to summon this and you've got a six star Synchro in the making like Gaia Knight, the Force of the Earthor Goyo Guardian. Sure there are better Tuners...but this one can give your Warriors a small attack boost.


Ratings:
Art 4/5 Hey its kind of cute and may make the girls ooh and ahh.
Traditional: 2/5
Advanced: 2/5
Backstory: XXX/5