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Name: Tara Matsumoto
Age: 10
Gender: Female
Position: Student
Grade/Year Level & Division: 1AYear, Elementary Division
Star class: No Star

Alice: Age Controller
Tara can control her age by use this Alice. She can become a baby, a high school student and adult. But, it only in appearance .So, her Alice is classified to sematic type. She wears ring (limiter item). Her Alice’s shape is Intermittent.
Her Alice can control other people and animal too. She only can use it four times everyday. She needs direct eye contact to use her Alice.She must be at least 2-3 meters away from the person she targets.


Physical Attributes:
She has a black and straight hair. Her skin is brown. She is not tall. But, she's not too short. Her eyes are brown. She never wears any ribbon or the other accessories on her hair. If she doesn't wear any uniform, she always wears long dress and never wears jeans.. When she's adult she is tall. Her hair and skin are same like when she's a child.


Personality :
She's innocent looking . Because, she's nice. But, no one can disturb(doing something cruel to her, read history) her .If you try it, you will get problems. She can protect her self by becoming an adult. She's not afraid to anyone.If she's angry she will make a plan for her revenge. It always makes people to not try to mess with her.

Strengths:
1. She can protect herself.
2. She is a kind girl (if you not disturb her)
3. She’s not afraid to anyone.
4. Always on time.
5. She’s clever.

Weaknesses:
1. She can't see better than anyone. but, she didn't want to wear glasses or contact lens.
2. She is often sick.
3. She is afraid to bear.
4. She can't sing.
5. Never smile,

History:
Kira , Tara's mother had gotten married with a rich man who came from America. His name's Carl. They had not any baby in that time. For three years after their marriage, Carl never told Kira about his family and he had a wife in America. But, one day Carl's family came to their house in Yokohama .They forced Carl to come back when Kira was pregnant.

6 years After Tara (Her real name is Naomi) Born. She put Tara under a pine tree in Tokyo. She went there by train. Her friend Fin, who had memory control Alice, erased all Tara's memories. But, she can't erase all memories about Kira's face. Then, Fin said” Although I erase her memories, she will always remember your face.” Because, you are Naomi's mother, Right? ”. Then Kira Turn herself into child. So, Tara can't found her. (She has the same Alice with her child)

After it, her foster family took her. She has lost her memories since she was 6 years. She’s found under a Pine tree. And she didn't know what her name is. So, her new family gives her a name, Tara Matsumoto. Matsumoto's clan welcomed her happily. In that time, she had new sister, his name is Akane. She was 12 years old. Tara loves her very much.

The family's rich. Little Tara live happily without know about her old family. But, she still remembers her mother face. She told her family about it. Then, she was searching for her mother. But, she has not found her yet.

At the first time, she used her Alice when she's 8 years old. She used her Alice to Akane .She turned Akane to an adult. But, then she could turn Akane back to normal. Tara said” I want to go to Alice Academy. She heard about Alice Academy from her best friend who knew about it. Her friend’s sister is an Alice user. She said that her sister never come back after she (her sister) went to Alice Academy. But her family didn't want her to go to Alice Academy. Then she escaped and went to Alice Academy. She wants her family safe. One week after she escaped, she found Alice Academy.

She became an elementary student when spring had come. At first, her friend likes her. But, one day her classmates disturb her by burn all her family's photos that she had, took her secret box and threw it away to garbage can,slapped her, they did it because they hate Tara . She wanted to punish them by turn them to a baby. She didn't want to turn them to their real age until her teacher forced her to turn them back.It made her get bad reputation.Since it happened, all her classmates afraid to her.

Trivia:
She loves shopping; she saved her money for it.
Her favorite foods are Howalon and chocolate.
She can't sleep without her baby doll.
She has a secret box. She buries it in Northern Woods.
She loves animal too, especially rabbit.

This post has been edited by Narumi on Dec 22 2007, 10:23 AM

Uhh...Sorry, but the High School students are closed. Give more description to your alice.

I advise running your profile through Microsoft Word. I see errors all over it. No hurries, though.

Please do not post severely incomplete profiles, most especially if they're in a state such as this.

Hi,I've edited it

Tara-chan, you could always edit your first post. Don't EVER post your modified bio in another post. Plus, add somethings to your history. I believe you have a lot of experiences. As what the Character Sheet Template says, the history must be at least GOOD Length paragraphs. Thank You.

EDIT: If you've read the unedited version of this, sorry. I need to take more time writing up these things...
----------

Alrighty then! Besides what Hikaru mentioned, I have some qualms m'self.

Your Alice
The name. People can't grow 'down'. You might want to rephrase it as 'grow old or age backwards'. Mention her alice shape. [link]

Is she a child or not? Maybe she doesn't know herself, but YOU do and you have to write it down in her history. We can't be left in the dark about what she really is.

Physical Attributes
Okay, good; you have all the basics there. Still, you missed a few things. Er, your first post describes her clothes but your second one doesn't. Describe how she dresses, please.

Personality
Take note that you are describing a complex human being here; try to write two paragraphs. If not, well at least cover the basics and make it clear what she is really like. How does she get along with other people?

If she thinks of revenge, how can she still be innocent? How can she even think of such cruelty just like that if she's innocent? And what does 'disturb' mean to her? There are a lot of ways to disturb someone. I'm a bit confused here, and I want to know what exactly your character is like.

Weaknesses
When does she get nervous?
"She is lazy to clean her class." <-what?

History
Ah, now we come to the most important part of the bio. Therefore, it must be the longest and most detailed. I can't expect you to make an 11-paragraph monster, (see Manzairaku ) but at least give an effort to put in important events in her life. Your history leaves too many unanswered questions.

Put in everything. Yes, everything. Even if she forgot her past, she still has a past, so write it down. What was her family (old and new) like? Were they rich, middle-class, or poor? Were they nice? How? Did she have brothers and sisters?

How did she find out she had a power?

This just has me confused. *scratches head* Explain, please, and add that to her history.

The story's too fast. Suddenly, she had a friend who hasn't been mentioned before. If the friend was important, please describe their meeting or something, not just state it once in one sentence only. How did she relate to other classmates besides her 'friend'?

What exactly happened? How did she 'hurt' him? I don't want to guess. Tell me.

...

Well, that was long. It may just look like I ripped your bio to shreds, but bear in mind that this is so you can improve your bio and so you can, hopefully, be approved.

Oh, don't forget that once you are given suggestions for improvement, you have a maximum of five edits before this profile is rejected. You can make another one, of course, but that doesn't mean you don't have to take this one seriously!

Well, I'm off to get my midnight snack...

P.S. Run your bio through Microsoft Word for grammatical errors. Better yet, get someone to do a grammar check. It will make reading your bio easier.

How about this?Please approve it!!!!

Still way too short.

Please look over the rules first.

Look Tara-san. As what Kizune-san and Narumi-sensei had said, run your work through MS Word. It has a lot of errors in it.

Hello, since you won’t seem to listen… here we go~

spacing

You see, these things are labeled red in Microsoft word so you know it’s horribly wrong.

Spacing my dear. S P A C I N G. And I suggest you refer to other character profiles to see how descriptions should on Alices and Physical appearance should be done. Check Ruka, Manzairaku and Narumi’s profiles to see what I mean.

/… It does not make sense, not at all.

Read through what Narumi mentioned and edit accordingly. If you post another “How about this?Please approve it!!!! ” MAKE SURE that it’s ACTUALLY worthy of approval. Because if it’s not, you’ll know what it means to face my wrath.

Did you get my PM? I would have been glad to help you out with this thing in private through YM or MSN Messenger, but since I seem to be giving all the wrong sorts of messages, I’ll be blunt this time.

Well, as blunt as I can be anyway. Here’s Long Nitpicky Post Part 2!
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Your Alice
More detail. Does she age only in appearance or does she age in complete physicality (for example, does she have a period if she’s a teen or experience rheumatism when she’s an old lady)? I will not allow you to age mentally, though. Can’t have a ten-year-old have the wisdom of a sixty-year-old.

I will not approve of the effects of your alice being permanent on other beings. Change that. In fact, I won’t allow you to even be able to use your alice on people or animals unless you have a limit and/or weakness. Because I can imagine her aging someone until that person turns into bones.

What does she have to do to age someone?

Physical Attributes
*clicks tongue* Fix the grammar in this and I’ll be okay with what short description you have.

Personality
It still doesn’t make sense. Pretend you don’t know Tara and re-read that yourself. Does it make sense to you? If it does, I really don’t care because even Hisa-san can’t make sense of it.

Your choice of words confuses me. Disturb? Hmm. Didn’t I ask what that meant already? Does this mean she grunts and moves away when people who come near her and ask her a question, or do you mean she only gets angry when they tease/hurt/ her, etc.? Let’s simplify this: does she like company or not? How much patience does she have?

All this revenge thing makes her seem like a psycho for someone who’s ten years old. What kind of ‘revenge’ does she think of anyway? Is she violent (causes major physical harm) or does she take ‘revenge’ in childish ways like tripping people, putting worms in their lunch boxes, stealing other kids’ dollies, and that kind of stuff? Because if she’s a violent kid at ten years old maybe the Academy isn’t the best place for her.

She has amnesia?

Also, kind girls may think of revenge, but most of the time they don’t actually do it unless they’re pushed to their limit.

Weaknesses
“She is an innocent girl.” ->Maybe the word you’re looking for isn’t ‘innocent’. Her personality doesn’t make it sound like she’s innocent. Naïve sometimes, maybe?

History
I’m going to make an exception today and point out little mistakes, because frankly, I don’t think this thing will make any sense unless I do.

You mean ‘person’. Or to make it more informal, ‘man’.

Is Carl Tara’s father? Because if yes, this doesn’t make sense. How can Tara’s mother give birth six years after the husband left them? Or maybe you mean Tara was six years old at the time? Make this clear.

If she didn’t have any money, why would she go all the way to Tokyo just to throw away her kid? Also, that’s she.

If her memories were erased, why will she remember her mother’s face? Not even the powers of an adult Alice can erase that? Or did Fin did this on purpose?

Make it clear that she turned Tara into a child again (if that is what you mean). Wait, isn’t Tara a child already? She’s six, right? Do you mean she turned Tara into a baby? Actually, I don’t even get why she had to do that. A six-year-old would survive better under a tree, exposed to the elements, better than a baby.

And the word in bold is in the wrong tense.

Plot hole. How did she survive within the three years since she was left under a tree? How did she even get adopted?

I thought her mother made her younger?

The existence of the Alice Academy isn’t public knowledge. Sure, people see it, but they think it’s an exclusive school of some sort. Only people involved with the higher-ups of the government, the Hand, and people who’re connected with the Academy know about it. How did Tara know? And even if she did have a way to find out, why would she want to go there?

Also, I still haven’t approved the use of your alice on other people. It’s her first time using her alice, so make it simple.

*eherm* Another thing. If she was left at six years old...actually, I'm confused about this. You say she was turned into a younger kid. And then you say she knows she lost her memories since she was six, but since she doesn't remember her past, she wouldn't know she was six then, wouldn't she? *scratches head* Okay, saying I misunderstood that and Tara WAS six when she got thrown away, she got adopted three years later, so she was NINE when she got adopted? But here you said she was eight when she used her alice on Akane...

I can’t understand that sentence at all. And how did she go to the Academy? Like I said, the place isn’t public knowledge. Alice scouts like Celeres (see her bio) and others (maybe members of the government) find Alices.

No one would hate their friends, naturally. Are you trying to say people generally like her here?

Why? That’s pretty mean. I can’t believe anyone would do this without a reason.

Again, I haven’t approved of this use yet, unless you give her a limit or weakness. IF I approve of it, this part of your history still can’t happen. I don’t allow the effects to be permanent.

She already IS a no-star. Everyone starts as a no-star. Reckless use of her alice like this would lessen her starts, yes, but since she has no stars another punishment should be given. If I was still headmaster Tara would only be given more, harder chores. Now, maybe she can be confined in her room for a few days (or she can get a limiter; depends, really). After all, it wasn’t all that serious. It's not like she hurt the boy, but she still broke the rules.

Long, isn't it? I told you your bio needed a lot of work. If I see that you fix every single thing I pointed out, then you might get approved. And even then, it's still not done. I have to be satisfied with how you have described your character. Creating a detailed and easy-to-understand bio is important, because this will be the basis of how you're going to RP your character later on. It also helps others know how to RP with you.

Now, please reply, what is my mistake?

He gave you a very long list just now of what your mistakes were and how to fix them. Please do so.

I've done it!