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 Super Human, A story By me!
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King Reaper
Posted: Sep 10 2007, 06:12 PM


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i've always wanted to write a super hero story. And now I am. Fun.

Intro
Chapter 1, Part 1
Chapter 1, Part 2

So read up and tell me what you think.
And if you have any really good ideas for superpowers, don't hesitate to send me a message.
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Gamma
Posted: Sep 11 2007, 03:38 AM


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The intro could be a bit bigger, in terms of expanding the descriptiobn of what you already have. Try not to make it so personal, and to give your descriptions a bit more magic. Other than that, it's very good.


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King Reaper
Posted: Sep 11 2007, 05:27 PM


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What do you mean by not making the descriptions so personal and giving them more magic?
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Gamma
Posted: Sep 11 2007, 06:58 PM


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The intro feels like you're talking to a person. I want you to feel like you're talking to a crowd. Be a speecher, not a talker.


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King Reaper
Posted: Sep 14 2007, 04:03 PM


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Well... how could I change it to make it like that? I really don't know what I should do to make it seem like I'm talking to a crowd.
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Gamma
Posted: Sep 14 2007, 06:01 PM


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Just imagine. Feel it. Writing's nothing if it doesn't have your feelings into it.


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King Reaper
Posted: Sep 19 2007, 05:57 PM


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Alright. I'll be re-writing the intro eventually.
Anyway, here's....
CHAPTER 1 PART 3!
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