Blown Wide Open, Tag; Raphael

[Gabrielle Angelus]

Gabrielle had felt emotionally exhausted and therefore retreated to the only place where she could possibly find some solace other than going to her Water Garden; Cloud Nine. Few spent any time here anymore and the silence was profound. Uriel was busy trying to battle the war, Mika was battling his boredom and Raphael...he was just gone. In the time they needed him the most he had disappeared and Gabrielle hadn't ceased in worrying about her Wind brother ever since. No matter what she went through or did, he was never far from her mind and she seemed more concerned about his absence than anyone. She had taken it seriously this time for she hadn't known just how strong Hell had become.

She hadn't always worried about Raphael leaving. He was prone to such behaviour which was probably why no one had been surprised. Yet something had kept nagging Gabrielle about it and she genuinely missed him. Though Mika was great company and Uriel offered unbiased advice, Raphael also earned his own soft spot in the Water Angel's heart. She cared for him and worried for his wellbeing, though she wasn't overly sure it was reciprocated to the extent she gave it. However, it had never mattered to her and now she lay on her stomach on a cloud, her hair fanned up away from her body as she thought of him and reminisced of old memories with him, memories no one else seemed to know existed.

A sigh gently escaped her as she let all other worries fall away. Was it obsessive to be thinking so much of her missing sibling? Was she looking far too into it, as she was sure that was what Mika and Uriel believed. She didn't believe so. The war had stepped up a level and to Hell's advantage. On top of hoarding mortal souls for unknown reasons (but obviously for benefit), Belial was also now pregnant. The Hatter had been pregnant many a time before and had only given birth to demons and monsters, none of which had worried Gabrielle any. But something told her this pregnancy was different, especially with how her brothers were looking into it, and she couldn't help but want Raphael around so she knew he was safe from the unknown. His being a part of the unknown was frightening, especially with the unknown was also threatening.

Her eyes deepened in colour as her thoughts swirled about her brain, Raphael's image forever prominent. When would he come back?

[Raphael Angelus]

The winds sighed through Cloud Nine. It used to be a mournful sigh, as if trying to remind everyone that its master seemed to be gone. But the winds had purpose today and was rushing through the archangels' realm. Raphael stood at the edge of cloud nine, looking around at the dream-like landscape. His eyes closed again and threatened to send him back to sleep. But his eyes opened once more. He had slept enough.

With a dazed look on his face, not unlike his usual lack of expression, Raphael perambulated over the area. He took slow, deliberate, long strides. There was a dizziness as memories throbbed through his groggy mind. Dreams had plagued him. Strange and illogical ones, of power and humans and demons. Feeding. That was what he remembered clearest. Feeding. It was the sense of danger that shocked Raphael from his place in the sky among the winds.

His presence swept through Cloud Nine on a lazy breeze and Raphael began to trudge on. He sensed her to be near, and so he kept walking mechanically until he saw her golden hair and blue eyes staring at him. For a moment, he stood still as a statue, trying to remember how to speak. "Jiblet," He finally murmured. He remembered her nickname well.

Slowly, a smile crept across his face, settling uncomfortably. It looked awkward and unpracticed, and soon disappeared. There was really no sympathy on his visage for a smile. They would flash now and then and depict more happiness than they could in a second. To most who indulged in expressions, it seemed odd. But Raphael knew Gabrielle and he knew she saw what feelings few others could perceive. For this, the same few words that he exchanged with Gabrielle did not mean the same if they were uttered to anyone else. And for this, Raphael sought her out beyond his 'brothers'.

"You seem mournful, Jiblet."

[Gabrielle Angelus]

Gabrielle's eyes focused and lit up in surprised pleasure as she lifted her head slightly, not believing what she saw. It almost seemed to good to be true and she had to take a moment to let it sink in. Raphael was standing before her, had spoken to her and was finally back from wherever he had gone. Hell hadn't stolen him, no harm had come to him and he had returned to them! Gabrielle slowly rose from her position, almost as if her body thought if she moved to quickly he would disappear like a dream, and approached her brother slowly with a look of confusion on her face. This could not be real, could it?

She gently touched the Wind Angel's face with one hand, her fingers cold to the touch and gently tracing his cheekbones before a bright smile emerged upon her face and her eyes sparkled with delight. "Raphael...you are here! Finally, you have come back! I have missed you so!" Though she knew he was not really one for emotions, Gabrielle couldn't help but gently hug her brother as tears of happiness flowed down her cheeks. She had indeed missed him a lot and the relief that filled her to see him was overwhelming. Maybe now Heaven stood a chance, now that the 4 Archangels were reunited. Perhaps now they could send Hell running for the hills.

Pulling away slightly so she could see her brother's face again, Gabrielle held her brother's face in her hands again. There was such joy in having him there to touch! "I am no longer mournful now that you are here! Tell me, where have you been? I have worried about your well being for much has changed."

[Raphael Angelus]

Raphael stood still, his teeth clenched in his mouth, making his jaw muscles protrude slightly. The tall man slowly looked down as the Archangel of water approached him. When she stroked his face, he saw her stretch up. He did not react. His face felt cool to the touch. Though he did not smile again, his eyes locked with hers an there was a moment of understanding that passed between them. Raphael was glad to be home.

He moved his arms around Gabrielle to satiate her. He was significantly taller, and she had learned to wrap her arms under his. His arms came over her shoulder. His muscles tensed slightly to hold her to him like one would in a hug, but he was less than successful at making it warm. Gabrielle had enough warmth for them both. When she let go of him, he watched her tears with curiosity. As if he had forgotten what they were.

"You mourned for me..." Raphael repeated, nearly not understanding for a minute. But he was her 'brother'. One mourns for family and friends. After having applied logic to it, Raphael's mind was content. But he was more interested in what she had said after that. "Changed..." Raphael's large hand found its way onto his face. The long fingers did little to mask his pointed features. His eyes were closed. "I know of changes. I have dreamed them. I have dreamed a great amount. As the winds blew over the earth, it picked with it particles of minds and brought them to me. I have dreamed a great deal, Jiblet. And yet knowledge was lost to my slumber. I am awake now, but with no sense of what I have learned. Or could have learned."

His hand moved away and eyes met eyes once more. "There is much you must tell me. What of the hell-queen? She was brewing, in my dreams, a dark potion. Tell me where this could have come from." Raphael had little time for pleasantries. Haunted by the images in his mind, he got straight down to business. But to show Gabrielle just one more sign that he was home, he held her hands in his and requested her to inform him, instead of demanding it so. He knew Gabrielle worked better with tenderness than orders.

[Gabrielle Angelus]

Gabrielle remained silent as Raphael spoke to her, took her in and showed her his few emotions in the ways he always had; subtle messages. The dreams he spoke of had concerned him greatly and he too felt the relief of his own being returning to Heaven. These were troubling times and even in his slumber, Raphael had sensed it. His power always made him as sensitive as she when it came to feeling things out. The only difference was that he subdued his emotions while she let hers run rampant and freely. Yet their similarities had created a bond between them, a bond she didn't share with Mika or Uriel for there was no sensitivity to them. Their strength relied on other means, their personalities shifted in a completely different direction.

In his own way he was showing her he needed answers, in his own way he was asking for the only information he knew would calm him and Gabrielle knew she had to answer. Raphael deserved the very answers she'd demanded of Mika only recently, tired of being kept in the dark. If Raphael was to fight alongside them, he would need to know everything they knew. She sighed gently and took his hand, needing the strength and comfort found in her wind brother. "Belial has been stealing mortals for reasons we do not know. She lures them in and takes them to Hell for purposes we've yet to understand. We've also learned she has become pregnant though this pregnancy is different from the others she's had before. She's pregnant with children, Raphael. How that will change the dynamic of this war, we do not know." Her eyes glistened as they darkened once more, her worry and anger apparent in her face. There were too many unknowns for her liking in this situation and something was to happen soon. She could feel it.

Gabrielle didn't know whether or not to speak of her uneasy feelings concerning their brother Uriel, though she did settle on telling Raphael about how he'd ordered her and Mika stay in Heaven. "Uriel has made Mika and I stay in Heaven as he deals with the war on his own. I can only go to Earth with a guide. Mika has been requested to stay here completely. I have still managed many visits to Earth but I feel as if Hell has the upper hand. Despite all of our efforts." Her voice wavered as she thought of those who had fallen with Lucifel, those who had chosen to go with him instead of stay in Heaven where they belonged.

A thought also hit her, one that spread fear throughout her before she maintained control over her emotions. Had Raphael also dreamed of her and Akoni? Did he have any knowledge of her situation? If he did, would he go to Uriel or Mika with the information he had? She couldn't know and wouldn't ask but her heart started to sink within her chest. This all was almost too much to handle for her fragile nature.

[Raphael Angelus]

"Stealing souls... of humans before their time? Yes, I see that. I do not know why." Raphael pressed his finger on his philtral dimple. Belial was pregnant again, was she? But not with horrendous spawn. "That is because they are not Lucifer's. But a demon's. One of her own. The creation will not be malformed and grotesque, but human-like, the form that God long ago dictated we shall take. It is funny how she follows his will still." Raphael's eyes held no humour in them, though. They rarely did. 'Funny' was a figure of speech.

There was a silence a moment, the winds surrounded Raphael like trained pets. It played and swirled around. It was gentle in heaven, but destructive near earth. He seemed unaware of it. His eyes were open and he looked past Gabrielle's shoulder. "Indeed things have changed. Even here. It is whispered to me." He still did not make eye contact with her.

"So Uriel has begun to tie his ropes around his own siblings. I am glad I was free, even if my penance for neglect were my nightmares." Raphael's eyes seemed to freeze slightly. Raphael had once got along with the earth angel, as their powers almost worked hand in hand. Raphael's nature believed in order and balance as Uriel did. However, he saw a taint in Uriel. A pride. A sin. a believe that he knew best because of his ability to organize. Raphael believed Uriel knew a lot, but never should he dictate. Raphael saw himself better filling that position. Oh yes, things had changed. Raphael knew he would meet his rank-brother in conflict more than once.

"Have you changed, Jiblet?" The question was said simply, but held so much power in it. It was unclear whether he knew something or if he was simply hoping she was the same. The wind whistled softly around them, then calmed a little.

[Gabrielle Angelus]

Gabrielle cringed inwardly as Raphael spoke of their brother, Uriel, the cool reception towards him having not changed with Raphael's absence. It hurt to witness though she understood the emotions. Had she not herself questioned Uriel's intentions to Mika and had only retracted her comments from fear of Mika's rage? Had she not felt that sinking feeling when mulling over Uriel's actions? Yes, she understood Raphael well in this aspect and couldn't help but agree with him somewhat. Yet the four of them couldn't be divided. Not during such a time. "Uriel is only doing what he believes is best for us and for the world. We must be strong within each other, brother." She eyed Raphael with a wary look, unsure of how he would take hearing that from her. But she spoke of only truth, of which he knew. They needed to work together for their situation was dire.

Then Raphael asked the loaded question, the question she had dodged from Mika and Uriel after all this time. Had she changed? Gabrielle liked to think she hadn't but her actions were saying otherwise. Yet she and Akoni had done this before, had they not? Had gone behind the backs of all who knew them so they could love freely. Their situation was nothing new and she was doing nothing new. If anything, she was back into the same pattern as before. The only thing that had changed was the risk that came with it all. "I am still me, Raphael. I have not changed. Look at me..." Her hands found their way back to his face as she let their gazes lock once more. They spoke to each other more through looks and gestures than words and so Gabrielle knew Raphael would only believe her if he could see her. She was still all she had been, existed for everything she had before and still had her beliefs. Her love for all of those who touched her and vice versa was the same and her nature had not hardened over time. The only thing added to her now was her intense worry and stress, which wasn't all that new. When Akoni had fallen, all of her brothers had to gather around and help her for she had been inconsolable for the longest time.

Gabrielle's eyes flashed as she took in the sight of her brother, the effect of his dreams clear on his face though he remained stoic and cool. Truly he had seen much, had seen more than his fair share. Perhaps this was why God had been silent to them? He had been putting all of His effort into showing Raphael what was happening and what must be done. "Raphael...has God been delivering to you these dreams? Has He been speaking with you through images? I ask for He has been silent to us."

[Raphael Angelus]

"Belief is not was sets stone. Uriel is not perfect. God made us that way. For this he cannot rule. None of us can rule. But Uriel is not the best choice either." Raphael saw the capability to wield power within himself. His winds were wild, but to be elevated to a position of power would be different. For far too long had the healing angel been a sideshow. His homosexuality had played against him far more times than not. But even the simple humans had slowly come to terms with such differences. He knew he could not love well, but if he could love, he would not love a woman. There was no appeal to him. God made him that way. To have one of the four archangels so would only be a sign that it must be accepted. Michael was the promiscuous, Gabrielle the virgin, Uriel might as well be asexual and Raphael was gay. This was a balance. This is how it should be.

Raphael did look down at Gabby. He moved his large hands to cup her small face in them and he looked into her eyes. He looked at her face. Then he hesitated and the wind whipped around her. "Evidently there are lies between us too. Such deceit does not go unnoticed. What is the taint I dreamed you beside? It had a very familiar scent."

Raphael contemplated what Gabrielle said. Was it God? He finally shook his head. "I merged with the winds in a near complete way. It was my own messengers whispering to me. Telling me what they see and hear. And my mind twisted them into these dreams. God has not come to me nor spoken to me." God's stone cold silence did not seem to bother Raphael. Perhaps the creator was out creating other children when these had failed him. But the devices left were their own to play with. This world was tainted and rotting, but there was still good to fight for.

[Gabrielle Angelus]

She heard nothing else. Her ears picked up on no other words her brother uttered except for his words towards her, words that stung and panged at her heart as he stared into her with the truth. Such a hurtful truth that she couldn't bear, a truth she didn't want to face. She was lying, lying to them all and for what? Her love for another was forcing her to forsaken her beloveds, her friends, her family. Such a truth was suppressed until now.

Gabrielle felt the tears fall as time around them ceased to exist. The silence surrounding them was great as Raphael's winds whipped about her, exposing her secret. Her face was pale and frozen in horror, fear and shame as her eyes failed to turn away from the grey, cold gaze of her brother's. She couldn't turn away from now and she was tired of having to keep secrets. Mika and Uriel could never understand but perhaps Raphael would offer some mercy, though she didn't deserve any. She deserved the impending doom she'd been feeling hanging over her head. It was dark and suffocating, stifling at times and made her retreat further into herself. She was risking everything she knew and loved for Akoni, as he seemed to be risking all for her. Yet what if he was only using her? How could she justify her actions then.

She let a hand reach up and hold one of Raphael's that touched her cheek, her eyes deepening from the inner torture she was feeling now that he had hit home with his suspicions. Gabrielle was afraid to lose that touch as her tears now flowed over both their fingers and his wind didn't allow for her face to hide behind her hair. There was no more hiding now. No more lies, no more deceit. Only truth and the fear and pain that it brought with it. "You are right, Raphael. I have been dishonest and I have kept much to myself that I should not have. I have been foolish, my emotions leading my actions other than my knowledge." Her voice was now low, barely above a whisper, as she struggled to remain standing. Such an emotional overload was hard for her to take as she hadn't rejuvenated herself in her Water Garden for some time. Would she even have the strength to tell Raphael her story in full?

[Raphael Angelus]

Raphael's expression was unmoved by her tears. He felt them run cold over his knuckles, but he did not release her face. Though his hold was gentle, it was his eyes that shackled her gaze. The look was harsh for her lie. He knew she was lying. There was insistence in his eyes that she speak truth now. He knew what he had seen and what he had heard. "I have seen a demon, Jiblet. A malformed human with red skin. And you reached to hold its hand. It grinned. That is what I saw. I see in your eyes you know the meaning of this. Enlighten me."

He saw how she was fighting with herself against her own wrongs. He just watched. His patience was great with Gabrielle and he simply waited for her words. Finally she admitted she was being untruthful to her brothers. This did not anger him, for he knew this. He was glad she admitted it, though. "Yes, Gabrielle. We cannot be further divided. There is much conflict between us. Let us begin to resolve them." He leaned closer as he spoke, and it was as if the air around him whispered with him. "Speak to me. Tell me of your lies. Tell me why you accuse yourself of carelessness. And name this demon to me. Mistakes must be rectified."

Despite Raphael being a cold person, his willingness for contact was uncanny. It did not bother him when it happened, though he rarely initiated it. But with Gabrielle, he knew that the way to her heart and soul was through contact. He knew if he wished to draw out her secrets, he had to be close. He refused to look away from her whirlpool eyes, his own seeming to swirl in faster, colour whipping about and merging with the patterns of the winds around them.

[Gabrielle Angelus]

Were the waves on Earth raging? Were the rains falling, the rivers rushing, the lakes overflowing? It seemed so for Gabrielle's heart felt as such, something within her resolve popping as she took in Raphael and his calm words. Yes, he would always be calm but was he already judging her? It was hard to tell and the tears didn't cease from falling. The pain was as great as it had been when Akoni had first fallen, when she'd first lost him forever. That name now seemed to haunt her as it rang through her mind, the name the very root of all the pain she was feeling...yet she had no one to blame but herself.

The moment seemed endless as she hesitated, her mind unable to believe the words she was about utter. She was damning herself. By admitting what she'd done she was condemning herself but it was so appropriate. Akoni had gone to Hell for her, was it not only appropriate she do the same? For Raphael would be in every right to cast her down to the depths of Hell for what she had risked, for the lies she had told, for the selfishness she'd shown at a time where she needed to be the most selfless. Love had taken her over, had consumed her and she hadn't known how to deal with it. Now it felt like love was destroying her, bit by bit, the happy times far from grasp. What had she sacrificed so much for to get to this point?

"It is Akoni. The demon you saw was Akoni, the angel who used to work with you so closely before he mistakenly fell while helping us fight Lucifer during the Great Battle." There, it had begun. Such a confession was daunting to make and Gabrielle couldn't help but wonder if God was listening to it. How was she to be punished? What would she lose? The fear matched with the pain was almost unbearable as the tears came more quickly now and her frame shook under Raphael's touch. Her guilt was certainly profound.

The story seemed like such a long one and already Gabrielle felt completely exhausted. How was she going to get through this? Her will kept her focused, however, for Raphael deserved the truth. He had seen it all, he knew, and was giving her this chance to repent. She had to let it out. No more secrets. "Before he fell, him and I had fallen in love. We kept it a secret for it was a forbidden love. I am still pure, please do not doubt that. Our love was emotional..." She blushed as she said that for it was awkward to bring up sex but her brother needed to know. He needed to know she was still in the form God had created her, that she had not let her body be tainted. At least she had done that much.

"You remember how I mourned him. It was because I believed he was lost to me forever...but I found him on Earth recently. His memory has been erased and he remembers nothing of his time in Heaven, and is now working for Lust in Hell. Yet I have been meeting with him, in secret, to try and help him gain his memory back so he may return to us...to me." It seemed impossible now that Gabrielle was saying it all outloud but her heart still beat for him, still rang true for Akoni's name. If she had merely walked away from him, she would've regretted it for the rest of her existance. Yet had the massive risk been worth it? Would Raphael understand how it could be?

Gabrielle could feel time shift as the fear and pain intensified. The truth was out, never to be retracted again. Her secret no longer a secret and it's contents detrimental to her. She kissed the hand that she was already holding, bring her brother's fingers back up to her cheek as she sought some solace; some comfort of any kind. "Forgive me, Raphael, for what I have done. For the risks I have taken and for shaming you, as well as our brothers."

[Raphael Angelus]

Raphael watched the storm rage in Gabrielle's heart and he did not release her. He did not show sympathy. He simply waited with the utmost patience. He locked eyes and watched the tears. He saw her eyes swirl, tormented. And he stood like a stone statue, unmoving. He waited. The winds, like a pet with its own mind, circled them, then left to chase a cloud, then returned. It romped like a restless canine. Raphael ignored it.

He did not speak even when she paused her speech. He stood and his eyes bore into her, squeezing every drop of information that her lips were withholding. Still statuesque, Raphael simply gazed at her as she spoke of Akoni. He knew the name well. He remembered being surprised as he fell. He never found out what Akoni had done, but he allowed this act of justice smite all those who dare defy God so. He was no bystander during the fall and he too wrestled a few angels to hell. But to have seen Akoni go surprised and disarmed him slightly. But he wasted no less than two blinks for a former colleague. Gabrielle had felt further pain after the fall. Raphael always assumed that was simply her sensitive nature taking a toll from the betrayal. But no. Raphael now saw her lamenting as selfish. She did not cry for the lost brethren and the pain inflicted upon their beloved God. No, she mourned her own demented love. He had heard her mention his name during that inconsolable period she had, but assumed it was heartache for one of many. But no. He couldn't get over it. How could the Archangel of purity be so tainted with selfishness? It was this emotion. It contaminated her unconditional love and made it more...

...like the painful feelings he once had. Those misplaced, sinful feelings. They provoked lust and near incest. As direct children of God, his rank brother Michael was just that. A brother. The emotions he once felt pulling him towards the now promiscuous, immature and impulsive child that has been left behind had blinded Raphael for a while. His rationality had eventually caught up and he disgusted himself. He removed Michael from that place in his heart. In its void, he indulged in lust of an even more sinful manner. He allowed his homosexuality to shine without fear. And yet, Gabrielle was the one who unwittingly nursed his heart to health with her own gentle hands. Never did he ever see anything in Gabrielle. He was gay and she was the pure virgin sister. She set herself in that comfortable slot where nothing would be induced by their proximity. He trusted her.

And he was disappointed. He saw in her the child he had blinded himself to again. The repulsive, immature and impulsive signs he saw in Michael. The hatred showed in his eyes. Subtle. Unsaid. The hatred Michael to this day never figured out. He seemed to have forgotten momentarily that Gabrielle would sense this dislike immediately. He seemed to have forgotten how it could pierce her heart more smoothly than his rapier could ever.

"May he be damned forever." Raphael said finally, his voice no different from before. "Hell got to him before you did. Do not hope for his return. Do not go to him blindly. You realize that he has masters who may extract this information from him in less gentle means than I do now." He did not release her face. "And you..." His palms were getting cold to the touch, as if loosing their liking for the contact. But he did not release her. "May you forever be safe from his tricks." Raphael revealed that he did not wish any harm on Gabrielle.

Finally his hands moved away from her face. "I forgive you for your blindness, Jiblet. Imperfections are how we are made. Though not to the level humans are. Remember not to give into such desires. I have felt them too, Joblet. I do not judge you. But I judge Akoni. He did not deserve to fall. But in my dreams he came malformed and sinister. Though perhaps for now you have made him curious, in time you will bore his tainted side. Remember who you are, Jiblet. You are more vital to us than Akoni is to Hell. He is expendable to his masters. And you..." a brief moment of emotion burst through Raphael and his fists clenched "none of us will ever let you get harmed. And if you do... then hell take me for failing you." Raphael calmed again, his voice returning to monotony.

"First, though... you must not fail yourself. Keep your friends near you. Those who work under you and those who you trust here in heaven. Do not lose yourself to your loss." Raphael looked at her a moment, worry under the surface of his expression. "Please do not meet with him again. And if you must, let me be near. I will not speak to our brother. But you must trust someone. Akoni is no longer one of us if he has forgotten you."

Raphael went silent and the wind whistled. He moved an arm and silenced the wind, not wishing for the noise. He only wanted to hear Gabrielle's response. He had one more thing to say. "Beware newfound desire in him. I can vouch that Akoni was blessed with allure. No doubt Satan Lust has made use of this new toy."

[Gabrielle Angelus]

It took a moment for everything that Raphael had said to her to sink in. She wasn't surrounded by Hellfire. She wasn't falling, her wings singing off as her soul prepared itself for eternal damnation. No, Gabrielle was still on Cloud Nine with her brother facing her, his hands no longer on her but the closeness still evident. The disbelief spread throughout her quickly at the mercy Raphael was showing her. Why hadn't he cast her down? Where was the anger, the bitter, whipping winds? The judgement? It was all too overwhelming for her to comprehend as she stared into her brother's eyes, speechless. What could she say that would reciprocate not only her sorrow but her thanks?

Instead she hugged him. Gabrielle hugged Raphael as her face buried into his chest, feeling warmth and understanding eminate from his form (as subtle as it was). Relief spread through her but the emotion was tainted. Everything he was telling her was true. What she had going with Akoni could not continue for she was putting both Heaven and Earth at risk. He could be betraying her to the Satans, who could easily steal her as they've been stealing humans and use her as collateral against her brothers. She couldn't take that kind of a risk any longer, but she also loved meeting with Akoni. The small, intimate moments they had together as they slowly rediscovered the other were beautiful. Who else would ever give her such moments? The thought of losing him once again was devastating which kept her tear flow going. Her heart was breaking all over again.

"Thank you for your mercy of which I know I do not deserve. You have always been good to me, dear brother." Her words seemed to come out as a choke, her emotions overrunning her. It had been some time since she'd emerged out of her previous depression over Akoni's falling (with her brother's help) but Gabrielle could feel herself now slipping back into it. She couldn't lose him, not now. The hope that had been given to her couldn't now be retracted!

Yet Raphael had spoken of desire. Gabrielle couldn't know if she even knew what that was. She loved Akoni dearly and missed him but never had she needed him physically. That didn't mean to say she didn't enjoy the small brushes their hands had, the hugs, how he'd wrap his arms around her and whisper comforts and truths in her ear. But when it came to anything sexual, Gabrielle had always made it clear that she had no want or need of it. God had made her to be pure and pure she would stay. "I do not desire him Raphael, I love him! I do not know the lust of flesh, only love of the mind!" Now she wept openly, her wound reopened by not only her confession but by Akoni himself. She was trapped in love's vices and she didn't know how to release the grip. It was enough for her to want to curse Akoni's name but her heart wouldn't let her. Her nature wouldn't let her curse even Belial, let alone the one she loved the most.

[Raphael Angelus]

Raphael felt her cling to him, but took a moment to react. He gave her time to respond to him, but he did not hold her. He let her know that she must stand on her own. Like a child learning to walk, she would be rewarded for her efforts in confessing, but he would not let her cling to him completely. Perhaps he was the only one in heaven who knew. this he respected. But he had no desire to be her sole consoler. Nor did he want anyone to console her. So much effort had been made to make her alive again after the fall. All was lost because she had a single goal that even her brothers could not fill the void of. This was selfish. So very selfish. And yet, so very typical of her.

"Emotions are unkind to you, Gabrielle." This was the first time today that Raphael used her full name. He was detaching from her slowly. "But you are unkind to them. Feel sorrow in a war and for your losses. But even humans can find happiness in the smallest of things and through the toughest of times. I will not lie to you, your tears disgust me, though I understand them. This is a weakness no one should know. I will not reveal you." Raphael was getting colder. It may not seem obvious why. He had given his forgiveness for her stupidity, but he wanted to let her know that he saw it as stupidity. He wanted that to hit home. "Even earth has seen loss of a greater kind. Do not degrade yourself, Gabrielle... even though it's hard." Raphael felt conflicted as well. He wanted to slap her across her face and shackle her to the Water Garden. But part of him wanted to put his arms around her and hold her.

He knew he was giving mixed signals. But he never said he was not flawed. He wondered if she would follow his waves of emotion. That is, if she got over herself for a moment. Raphael looked around a moment, then his head snapped down and he still saw depression in her eyes. "Stop this. This cannot be rectified even by you. He will need far more help than a few memories to feel the same again. Love is something that happens through a series of events and learnings. Never can it be recreated once lost. Do not look for him in others and do not look for him in the new man he has become." There was, of course, a danger that Raphael himself would stalk the former angel and put himself at risk for Gabrielle. Though he did not see himself as perfect, he saw himself as stronger than her.

If she lost both Akoni and Raphael. Who would she miss more?

Now was not a time to question such things.

Or was it?

Raphael felt a tightness in his heart. What value did Akoni have for her? Was it really enough to risk heaven? Did she not think or did she make a decision? Raphael's coldness slipped away to a gentle sadness. "It is not you with the desire, Gabrielle. You have been created to not feel such things. But he was not. And now tainted, he may attempt to use you. Do not exclude this possibility. And do not forget that even if he does not betray you himself, he may be forced to. Hell is capable of many atrocities."

Raphael trailed off. Heaven was capable of much horror too. He was capable of many tortures. Experiments. He saw how humans broke and how humans adapted. And he was gentle on them. What could be done to Akoni if this was all discovered? Plenty. Plenty that he cannot handle. He was sure that if it happened, he may lose his sister. So finally, Raphael gave in and put his arms around Gabrielle. "Jiblet, don't do something so crazy. Please. I do not plan to do what Uriel is doing. I cannot confine you here and I will not. I am not better than you and I do not command you. I can only advise you. If you disregard my warnings then may God protect you. I cannot."

[Gabrielle Angelus]

Raphael's cold nature finally emerged and reared its ugly head at her....but she deserved it. Gabrielle stood on her own, unable to continue sobbing as his eyes took her in and judged her, watched her. He didn't need to say he was disgusted with her emotions for she could feel it, but his disgust would not be enough to make them dissipate. Yet she had to get a hold of herself somehow. This was all like a huge slap in the face, making her realize just what she had done. She had risked everything they had all worked for, for a love that no longer existed. It was realistic to believe that he'd turned her to Hell, that her secret had been betrayed before she herself had betrayed it. Her heart sunk at the thought, fear for not her own safety but the safety of her siblings and those who prayed to them now seeming to hang in the balance.

"My emotions have betrayed me, Raphael. They have betrayed us all...I cannot express my sorrow enough..." Gabrielle's voice remained low and tortured, a gut feeling within her telling her what had transpired. Despite her request, Akoni probably had indeed turned to Lust and therefore the Hatter about them. Hell could utilize such information easily, manipulate Akoni into doing things he never would have. Could taint her name to those who had trusted her, had believed in her. It all was heartbreaking and now the tears flowed not for her own shame but the shame she had put onto her loved ones. What would Uriel and Mika think once they found out? Surely they would soon know and even then their words and actions would be too late. The wheels were spinning, and Gabrielle's eyes swirled with a manic motion. Hell was now on the move, thanks to her blind love.

She looked up into Raphael's eyes, her horror evident on her face. "He probably has told them and Belial will act. I must counteract this but I do not know how! Oh how could I have been so blind?!" Her mind felt like it was on overload and every alarm in her being was going off. Danger felt imminent, the war hanging on the balance and for what? For her whims. Uriel had been right in wanting to keep her in Heaven, Mika had been right to heed their brother. Raphael was right in what he told her now. She was the only one who had been wrong, oh so very wrong. She loved Akoni and always would but he was no longer hers....and he hadn't been for some time now. A choice had to be made; him or her side? She knew what her answer was.

"Raphael...I have wronged. I have put us all at risk and now I must fight to right what I have done. Tell me what must be done so I may do it. This is mine to right..." Her head shook slightly as Raphael hugged her once more, her form melting into his but without the despair and reliance that she had before. Now it was an acceptance and thankfulness for what her brother had done for her, not just for the mercy he had shown her. With his return and his words, Gabrielle had re-discovered why she fought for Heaven before and why she had to now.