Feedback, Stuff that jumps out...

[Kondrikthus]

Page 31 - Winter loves me, winter loves me not...

Hmmm...

Sorry to say, but this page looks like a bit of a step backwards.

The backgrounds look far more washed out than in previous pages. It was a little jarring. I think the problem is the lighting: they seem to have invented flourescent bulbs between these two pages. You've gone from a warm hearth-like lightsource to something white and bland. On the upside, their electrical bill will be less this month... Oh, wait...

First panel.

I like how you have Saanya doing stuff in the background. That's good. And I totally want one of those giant jugs next to the counter; I would put my cat in it whenever he got annoying.

Kaara is weird. This is a perspective shot, but her head is as big as Kaikuro's. And judging by how far up Kaikuro is sitting in his seat, Kaara's torso has shrunk to about the hight of her ribcage, which means that she'll have to pass on dessert for lack of a stomach.

Second panel.

Call the cops! Someone stole your background! Maybe they were the ones who installed the flourescent lights...

Is Kaikuro in the middle of a headbob? What's going on there? Gasp! They must have stolen his neck too! It's a vast conspiracy!

Third panel.

The craniums are growing again. These people either have thick skulls, big brains, or both, which probably means they are aliens. Gasp! Now they're stealing your characters and hijacking their minds! It's an invasion! BEWARE THE ALIENS AND THEIR FLOURESCENT LIGHTS OF DOOM!

Oh, and they messed up somehow, because it looks like Saanya's left arm came back shortened.

Summary.

It looks like this panel was an experiment. A couple of aspects I have to applaud you for attempting is use of perspective in the first panel, which for the most part worked really well, and trying to do three-quarter views for your characters, which didn't work out so well. Koraar especially: it kinda looks like you kept the face forward and snapped his nose to profile. It must have hurt.

Work on your three-quarters, and save the earth by ousting the alien invasion force and reinstalling incandescents. Or you could go back to the whole fire-thing...

Looking forward to the next one (really, I am!)!

[Kondrikthus]

Page the 32nd!

Just to say, this is a great page. Favorite so far in fact.

A few things which must be said:

I don't know why you don't like the backgrounds. I think they look great. I especially noticed the smudgy-one behind Koraar. It was a nice way to break up the whole "wood-panel" thing without changing the atmosphere or color scheme.

In the third panel Saanya still looks a little off. I think you squared her jaw a bit more than before, and her index finger is a tad long. You also might want to darken Kaikuro's beard just a bit.

Fourth panel: TYPO ALERT. Nothing big, you spelled "pretty" incorrectly.

Kaara is awesome, just to say. I think that she's my favorite character to see you draw. I think it's the whole "cute" thing. That bow. I think the bow is the kicker.

So, yeah! Awesome page! Stellar work! Keep it up! Don't stress out! Do a dance! Give yourself a cookie! All that jazz...

[Aeolian]

Thank you. It was a great releif to get that one out there. I hope I do just as well, if not better, on the next page.

Oops about the typo. I'll see to fixing it. I wonder if Saanya can be fixed via transforming,... I'll give it a shot.

Thanks for your time, and looking forward to another critique. :D

[Kondrikthus]

Couple quick notes, but really I'm just sitting back and enjoying this panel.

Second panel: Kaara is uber-cute. 'Nuff said.

Third panel: I see you fixed the profile, and it looks a lot better. Still, a tad more practice with consistency would not be amiss in the future (I know, I know, look who's talking... :P). Also, that mural-thing looks... Weird... I think the last time you drew it (behind Koraar on page 31) the lines were thicker and more blurred. Perhaps think about altering it a tad.

Fourth panel: Is it just me, or does Koraar look like Dr. House with long hair in this panel? Not a bad thing.

All around: I noticed you put shadows on the backgrounds! I'm so proud of you, your characters have been cured of their Vampirism! As for the backgrounds themselves, the wood-panel thing does get repetitive if you're not careful. I like what you did on 32 using the gradient behind Koraar to change things up a bit; keep doing that sort of thing.

All in all, another great page! Huzzah!

[Aeolian]

Thanks for keeping up these reviews- they're enormously helpful.

Concerning the tapestry. on my 'florescent lights' page (I forgot the number and am too lazy to look) I accidentally made the red tapestry blue. It was supposed to be red. I need to scrap that page over all and fix it when I have the time. I should probably blur it more.

And concerning the shadows, I've been adding them. Maybe you never noticed until now?

[Kondrikthus]

34th page! Huzzah!

You're getting better week by week. Again, only a few notes.

First panel: I like how this camera angle turned out. Kaabel's nose looks a tad narrow and pointed, but it's only just barely noticeable. I wouldn't even worry about it. Also, there are a couple of vampirisms: the table and chairs have no shadows on the floor, and neither do the arms and cups against the table.

Second panel: I like the background, and having Kaara input from outside of the shot works out fine. Might like to see a little more of Kaikuro's right shoulder, but otherwise it's great.

Third and forth panel: Looking back, I should have noticed it sooner (I consider it my fault for not seeing these in the earlier sketches you sent, and I'm sorry); I notice now a lot of differences between the Kaaras in these panels.

Discrepencies - Her nose in the third panel is far lower, further away from the eyes, than the fourth. This length difference has affected her ear also, which I gather you draw using her eye and nostrils as reference points. All other measurements appear similar, except that the chin in the third panel is a wider than I've seen previous, and post. Added up those make the face in the third panel look a little more awkward then you intended.

As a side note, great job with the mouth and brows in that third panel. That's a difficult expression to capture, and you nailed it.

Her dress seems to change sizes on her between the frames (look at the collar, where it sits on the shoulders): If anything, it should be tighter in on he shoulders in the third frame, when she's all bunched up, then looser in the fourth. Same applies to the necklace.

She seems to develop a slight receding hairline between the frames: at first it's in front of her bow, then it retreats behind it.

And finally, while you remembered to put shadows on the chair, there is none on the table. Perhaps the table is radiating light? That would explain why there are no shadows. :P

Good job fixing the hand in the third panel. It looks fine now.

Again, I should have been paying more attention; I could have pinpointed those third/fourth panel problems much sooner. My apologies.

To sum up: the main issues with this page were character discrepencies and table shadows, and most of the former I consider partly my fault. All in all, not that big a deal. The lighting was fine, the backgrounds were fine (except of course for those shadows), shading was fine, and most of the characters were good. Again, applause and cookies for that overhead shot. Keep up the good work!

[Aeolian]

Thanks again for the critiques. I'll see to fixing those. Perhaps I'll be able to salvage it.

Don't worry about not catching them sooner. It's my own fault for not catching them myself.

[Kondrikthus]

After working with you on this one, I tried really hard to find some flaws.


I found three, and then one more that doesn't count:

In panel three, it would probably look a little better if Kaikuro's left eye were rotated a few degrees counter-clockwise.

It looks like the clasp of Kaikuro's cape has been left uncolored, but I think that's just because it needs a touch more shading.

The chairs have changed. It's been really gradual, which is why I haven't noticed it until now, but they've grown a whole lot since page 29, and on panel two the little hole-motif at the top is differently shaped. Just something to look for when you go back down the road and revise for consistency.

The flaw that doesn't really count? It's on page 33. I was attempting to confirm my chair flaw, and I got stuck in a time-warp. The "previous" button on page 33 takes you straight to page 33. I clicked it four times before I realized I hadn't gone anywhere. :P

Going great! Awesome work!

[Aeolian]

Kaikuro's eye and clasp can easily be fixed. But for the chairs, that's an oops on my part- and a lot harder to remedy. I can't draw furniture for the life of me.

Oops, sorry about trapping you in an infinite time-warp. O.o I fixed it... you should be freed now.

[dcg10]

Page 36 looks good. Not rushed. :P

[Kondrikthus]

Argh!!! My computer is acting funny, and my browser keeps hitting the back button without my consent before I can finish!!!

Okay. Third try.

Third panel: Saanya's jawline is still odd. While the angle is fixed, her left side curves inward while her right curves outward.

Final panel: firstly, there are no shadows on the table (vampires!). Secondly, the table itself seems to be weirdly textured. It's all vertical, as if the table were lying on its side. Any way to add perspective to the texturing?

Kaabel's chin looks much better, and I like what you've done with the furniture, both in texturing and design. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm afraid that if I write more my browser will delete it all again.

[Aeolian]

Thanks for your thoughts. I TRIED to fix the angle on the texture, but my brush wasn't cooperating. :P

You could try to write it all in notepad and then copy-paste next time?

Thanks for your time!