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A LARGE, IMPOSING BUILDING BUILT IN THE 1890s, BRFA IS THE EPITOME OF 'ELITE PRIVATE SCHOOL'. WITH BLACK MARBLE FLOORS, HEAVY ROYAL BLUE DRAPERIES AND A QUIET CHILL THAT PERMANENTLY RESIDES IN THE HALLS, THE ACADEMY SEEMS FIT ONLY FOR THE REGAL. NEVERTHELESS, DRUGS AND GOSSIP ARE THE MAIN INHABITANTS OF THE HALLOWED HALLS AND USED CONDOMS LITTER THE STAIRWAYS WHICH ARE CLEANED EVERY THREE HOURS. THERE IS AN AUDITORIUM, AN INDOOR POOL, THREE GYMNASIUMS AND FULL WEIGHT TRAINING ROOM IN BRFA, AND A FOOTBALL FIELD OUT BACK. CRAZY RICH BITCHES GET ALL THE GOOD SPORTS EQUIPMENT.

THE NEWER OF THE SCHOOLS, THE LYCEUM IS A SPECIAL ART SCHOOL, BRIMMING WITH THE ODD AND ARTISTIC. BUILT DURING THE MILLENIUM, THE TWO STOREY BUILDING IS SIGNIFICANTLY SMALLER THAN BRFA, AND CENTURIES MORE MODERN, WITH A FUTURISTIC ARCHITECTURE AND CLEAN SILVER AND BLACK DECOR. WHILE NOT A PRIVATE SCHOOL, IT IS FILLED WITH THE CHILDREN OF THE WEALTHY IN BLACK RIVER FALLS. OF COURSE, THAT'S NOT TO SAY THAT NO ONE BUT THE RICH ARE ALLOWED INTO THE SCHOOL - THE SCHOOL IS OPEN TO ALL, EVEN THOSE WHO ARE NOT ENROLLED IN ANY ARTS PROGRAM. THE SCHOOL IS EQUIPPED WITH A FULL AUDITORIUM, PLAYING FIELD OUT BACK AND SEVERAL BASKETBALL COURTS - THE NON-ARTSY NEED SOMETHING TO DO DURING LUNCH, YA KNOW.

UNIVERSITY OF BRITISH COLUMBIA'S FIXTURE IN BLACK RIVER FALLS IS AS IDEALISTIC AND PICTURESQUE AS YOU CAN IMAGINE A UNIVERSITY TO BE. WITH LUSH GREEN FIELDS OUT FRONT, THE BLACK RIVER COASTLINE A FEW MINUTES WALK DOWN THE ROAD, AND WARM, INVITING DEPARTMENT BUILDINGS, UBC HAS THE PERFECT SCHOOL LOCATION. ITS LABS AND EXTENSIVE LIBRARY ARE NEARLY ALWAYS OPEN, AND THE QUAD IS ALWAYS LITTERED WITH STUDENTS. PICTURESQUE, THROUGH AND THROUGH.

THE GROCERY STORE EVERYONE LAUGHS AT (BECAUSE REALLY WITH A NAME LIKE THAT, WHAT KIND OF STUFF DO YOU EXPECT TO BE GETTING) THE PRODUCTS OF PIGGLY WIGGLY ARE A STAPLE OF LIFE IN BLACK RIVER FALLS.

WITH ITS ARRAY OF BROKEN BENCHES AND OVERGROWN VEGETATION, ROBBINS PARK ISN'T ALL THAT SPECIAL. BUT IT DOES HOWEVER PROVIDE AS THE CENTRAL SHADY SPOT IN DOWNTOWN BLACK RIVER FALLS THANKS TO THE SEVERAL TREES PLANTED ORIGINALLY BY THE TOWN'S FORMER MAYOR, OF WHOM THE PARK IS NAMED AFTER. THE PARK ITSELF ISN'T VERY AESTHETICALLY PLEASING, BUT THERE ARE SEVERAL BUSHES TO HIDE IN FOR COUPLES SEEKING PRIVACY, AND A SMALL CREEK FOR THOSE EXTRA HOT DAYS.

THE BEST (AND ONLY) BAR IN TOWN, ZIGGY'S IS HOME TO THE MOST POPULAR ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGE IN BRITISH COLUMBIA--THE STARDUST. THE BRIGHT NEON SIGN ANNOUNCES THAT THEY'RE OPEN TWENTY-FOUR HOURS A DAY. TWENTY-THREE OF WHICH ARE HAPPY HOUR. FROM FIVE TO SIX IN THE MORNING, DRINKS COST FIVE TIMES THE NORM, IN AN ATTEMPT TO MAKE EVERYONE GO TO WORK.

DENNY'S IS SO MUCH BETTER THAN IHOP. OR SO THE PEOPLE OF BLACK RIVER FALLS DECLARED WHEN THEY DECIDED NOT TO EAT AT THE IHOP, OR EVEN THE LOCAL DINER, BOTH OF WHICH HAD TO CLOSE, LEAVING DENNY'S A MONOPOLY ON THE TOWN'S LATE NIGHT COFFEE NEEDS.

LA VIE DE NUIT IS THE PLACE TO GO TO PARTY OR MEET PEOPLE. AS THE TOWN'S NIGHT CLUB, IT'S THE HOT SPOT FOR DANCING AND DRUG TRADE.

THE ICON OF CANADIAN COFFEE, IT'S THE HOBBY OF MOST OF THE WEALTHIEST KIDS IN TOWN TO LAUGH AT THE EMPLOYEES, IN THEIR UGLY BROWN UNIFORMS, SIMPLY BECAUSE THEY REEK OF ESPRESSO BEANS NO MATTER HOW LONG IT'S BEEN SINCE THEY LAST WORKED.

EVERY TOWN ON THE NORTH AMERICAN CONTINENT NEEDS THE HAVEN TO WHITE TRASH AND RICH MAN ALIKE. JUST LIKE EVERYWHERE ELSE ON EARTH, BLACK RIVER FALLS HAS A WALMART WHERE THE TEENAGE KIDS AND OLD FOLKS EARN PENNIES PER HOUR IN TOWN AND EVEN LESS OVER IN CHINA.

THE OFFICIAL SHOPPING MECCA OF BLACK RIVER FALLS, FLETCHER IS BEYOND THE LESSER EXTENT OF WEST EDMONTON MALL, BUT IT DOES HAVE SEVERAL OF THE BASIC STORES AND RESTAURANTS REQUIRED FOR THE TOWN TO FUNCTION, OR AT LEAST THOSE THAT ARE NOT SCATTERED THROUGHOUT. CLOSE WITHIN WALKING DISTANCE TO THE SCHOOLS, THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE FREQUENTING HERE ARE STUDENTS WHICH, IN ALL FAIRNESS, EXPLAIN THE LEGAL OFFICES AND SECURITY HEADQUARTERS UPSTAIRS.

SECTOR 51, THE POLICE STATION, IS A JOKE AMONG THE POPULATION OF BLACK RIVER FALLS. THEY CAN BE PAID OFF FOR ANY AMOUNT OF MONEY, AND THEY ARE, ON A REGULAR BASIS. NOBODY REALLY GETS IN TROUBLE, SO THE SECTOR 51 OFFICERS SPEND MOST OF THEIR TIME...EATING DONUTS

HOTEL JUNCTION IS HOME TO THE TWO NON-PERMANENT RESIDENCE FACILITIES IN TOWN--A NICE MARRIOTT AND A CHEAP HOTEL WHERE THE BLACK SHEEP POOR RELATIVES GET SHUNTED TO.

BC MARRIOTT    |    HOTEL IBIS    |

ALTHOUGH LACKING IN ACTUAL FALLS, THE TOWN IS CONVENIENTLY LOCATED ALONG THE COAST OF THE PACIFIC OCEAN, PROVIDING ITS RENOWNED WHITE BEACHES. JUST LIKE BEING IN THE CARIBBEAN, WITHOUT SO MANY SHARKS, RESPECTIVELY. TINY MARINAS AND SNACK BARS ARE DOTTED HERE AND THERE, WITH A COVE OFF IN THE DISTANCE. HOW PICTURESQUE.

OTHERWISE KNOWN AS THE TOWN 'BOONDOCKS' SO TO SPEAK, THE SOUTHERN SUBURBS MAKE UP THE MORE QUIET PART OF THE SURROUNDING AREA ADJACENT TO THE ROCKY MOUNTAINS AND INDEPENDENT FARMS RICH IN LIVESTOCK. THOSE LOOKING FOR A LITTLE PEACE AND QUIET AWAY FROM THE DOWNTOWN BUSTLE OFTEN COME OUT HERE FOR SOLACE, JUST DON'T PISS OFF THE TOWNSPEOPLE. THEY HAVE GARDEN TROWELS AND PITCHFORKS, AND THEY AREN'T AFRAID TO USE THEM.

HOME TO THE REST OF THE COUNTRY OR IN MOST CASES, THE WORLD. FEW PEOPLE CHOOSE TO LEAVE PARTIALLY DUE TO ACADEMIC COMMITMENTS, BUT WHEN THEY DO THERE IS A WHOLE DIFFERENT WORLD TO EXPLORE. THAT IS, AT LEAST, IF YOU HAVE ENOUGH MONEY FOR AIRFARE TO LEAVE THE CONTINENT.

THE SYLVER CREEK APARTMENTS ARE ALMOST LIKE A COLLECTION OF PENTHOUSES ONE ON TOP OF THE OTHER. ANYONE WHO ISN'T COMPLETELY SWIMMING IN MONEY LIVES HERE, WHERE YOU PAY BY THE VIEW.

OAK GROVE IS HOME TO THE RICHEST PEOPLE, AMONG ALL THESE RICH PEOPLE. IT'S A GATED COMMUNITY, AND YOU HAVE TO BE INVITED IN BY SOMEONE WITH A PASS. VERY NICE, LARGE ESTATES FILLED WITH VERY WEALTHY PEOPLE TEND TO BE THE NORM HERE.

THE HYLANDS AREN'T QUITE AS HIGH UP ON THE RICH SCALE. THERE'S A GATE, BUT IT'S MANNED BY A GUARD WHO'S ASLEEP HALF THE TIME. WITH THE DOOR OPEN. THE PEOPLE HERE ARE STILL RICH ENOUGH TO AFFORD THEIR TWO MILLION DOLLAR HOUSES, THOUGH.

THE CLOSEST THING TO A MIDDLE CLASS RESIDENCE DISTRICT THERE IS, HOMES LOCATED IN MAPLE LEAF GARDENS ARE SOMETIMES AS SMALL AS FOUR THOUSAND SQUARE FEET. THEY'RE MORE RUN OF THE MILL, AND THERE'S NOBODY THERE TO GUARD THEM FROM THIEVERY AND CRIME.

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