Ancestors News

[whiteshadow]

A cat who snuck out of his camp to have some adventure for he was very adventerous known by the name of white paw walked around a farm and saw two legs walking around planting seeds on their open field but he was to scared to play in it. He ran under an old wooden staircase and saw wide yellow cat eyes staring at him, scared for his life he walked closer on the rocky ground to see if it was friend or foe.
((can his name be white paw and is that good?))

[Chris 02]

(I can see three things wrong with this post, not including punctuation. 1) Why does a 'kit' have an apprentices name? 2) What is a 'kit' doing out of its clan's camp alone? 3) Can you be more specific in where it saw the cat eyes? I'll join anyway)

[Dreamer]

(( Yes, those things as well as punctuation and capitalization. Plus, if there WAS proper grammar, there would only be three sentences... it should be longer. Imagine yourself as the character, then you can think about why he might be tehre, what he might be feeling, etc. Also, think about his surroundings and be sure to describe them. Description is good. ))

[whiteshadow]

((is this ok??))

[Dreamer]

(( Chris will have to tell you that because Chris is the one roleplaying with you. I don't mean to be mean. >.< But this is what I would have done:

The sun was shining high above the sodden ground. It was hot and very bright, making the cat slipping into the open very hot. He closed his eyes momentarily while they adjusted to the change in light, then continued on his way. The young kit (or cat?) had snuck out of his camp to have some adventure, for he was very adventerous. Known by the name of Whitepaw, the kit (or apprentice?) walked around a farm and saw two legs walking around. They seemed to be planting seeds in their open field. Even though he had been searching for adventure, he was to scared to play in the field they were in. Whitepaw ran under an old wooden staircase and saw wide yellow cat eyes staring at him. Scared for his life, he walked closer on the rocky ground to see if it was friend or foe.

Are you new to RPing? ))

[whiteshadow]

(i like what you have done to the post and no im not new to RPing im just knew to long post rps my usual ones ar 3 lines but i thought longer posts would be a change and make my role playing skills better)

[Dreamer]

((Ok. I'm just trying to help! If you need anything, just ask!! ))

[whiteshadow]

((ok thanx))

[Chris 02]

Wildpaw padded through the forest, unknowingly padding towards the Twoleg Farm. He had come out to hunt, but got sidetracked unpurposely, wanting to explore more of the forest.

As the small tom kept walking, he finally reached a clearing with the Twoleg Farm in the middle. "A Twoleg nest..?" Wildpaw asked himself as he went closer to the farm.

Wildpaw smelled the scent of Twolegs. They had just been here not too long ago. Staying in the shadows by the side of the farm, he padded around the farm until he smelled yet another scent. This time, more familiar than Twolegs. One of his own clan. He continued to pad around the farm, following the scent of the familiar scent until a staircase came into view. He stopped wondering what one of his clan would be doing here.

Before he could move again, he felt something hit his side. A powerful force just hit his side. Wildpaw went flying into the farm. He immediatly scrambled to his paws, feeling shaky, and ran towards the staircase.

As he approached the staircase, he spotted Whitepaw. What's he doing here Wildpaw thought and said, "Whitepaw..?"

[whiteshadow]

The cat was still scared then he turned his head slowly and terrified to the sound of a familiar voice he had seen wildpaw whitepaw thought what a relief to see a another cat who he knew that was friendly and wasnt going to try and tear him to peices then the apprentice whitepaw remembered the wide yellow eyes he had seen a couple of moments before then turned his head back to the shadowy place of under the staircase he saw nothing he could have sworn that he had just seen someone or something staring at him. He looked back to wildpaw and said "thank goodness your here i have been scared to death ever since i snuck out of the camp" then before he ran to wildpaw he looked back one more time just to check if those wide yellow eyes would be staring back at him.

[Chris 02]

Upon hearing Whitepaw's words, he noticed that he smelled Whitepaw's fear scent. He sat down looking into the darkness of the area that Whitepaw had been looking at. What had been there?

"You were afraid..? Of what? I can smell the scent of another cat...it's fresh.. Was that it?" Wildpaw asked. Wildpaw winced and fell to the ground. Wildpaw groaned in pain. "I...I think one of those...Twolegs kicked my side," Wildpaw meowed in pain still.

The grey apprentice felt like his ribs have been smashed. He stood up, trying to look strong in front of the other apprentice, failing because the pain was intense.

[whiteshadow]

((im confused how did a twoleg kick you))

[Chris 02]

(Because Wildpaw was standing not very close to the staircase so one of the twolegs planting the seeds saw me and walked over to me and kicked me. Wildpaw didn't notice because he was too focused of Whitepaw's scent. Also, the powerful force that hit his side was the twoleg)

[whiteshadow]

((ok i get it))

[Chris 02]

(Okay, that's good. Now it's your turn to post..)